Just when I thought I was pretty lucky for getting two job interviews. I get rejected from both of the jobs. I don’t know what I did wrong. I sort of knew I wouldn’t get it at Urban Outfitters, but at Petsmart? I thought I was a shoe in. I really wanted the job. I just want to work.
Not to mention I also got a horrible haircut. I had to wait an hour just to get the cut. I showed the guy a pic of how I wanted my hair. He cut too much off and left my bangs too long. And I had to pay $30.
I’m also really sick.
My friends decided to ditch me to go to prom. I don’t care that they are going. I’m mad because they made plans with me and out of nowhere they all bought dresses. Not to mention they didn’t want to tell me.
This is defiantly not my week. I guess last week was too good to be true. Apparently, nothing good can last for me. I just need to recollect myself and apply for more jobs. Something is bound to pop-up again. This is a pretty short, but I just needed to rant.
It has been a eventful two weeks for me. And the more opportunities I am receiving the more I realize how close I am to graduating. This being my senior year and all makes me realize that now it’s the time to grow up. Once I get that diploma I will now be on my own. I will choose what to do with the rest of my life. Sure I will mess up but no one can choose for me. And something my sister said really scared me. “We are gonna work for the rest of our lives, anything we want we are gonna need money. People go to college to then get a job it’s the same thing.” It’s scary because it’s true. But enough of that scary stuff. I want to talk about the opportunities I have been presented with.
I recently received not one but to scholarships from TWU. Both worth $2000. I was happy and mad at the same time. As grateful and honored as I am to receive them $4000 doesn’t really help pay the $20000 needed to pay for the first year. I just got mad because money was basically wasted on me and I’m not going there. I feel like I took away someone else’s chance. But at the same time I was happy because I was rewarded based on my work. It’s good to know that my art is actually good enough to receive a scholarship and that there is people that see my talent. It was like a reassurance that trying to become a photographer is worth the risk.
My other opportunities have came in job hunting. I recently applied to Urban Outfitters and Petsmart. When I put in my applications I was contacted the next day to go in for an interview. I went today for both of my interviews and well I was pretty nervous. I don’t think I did horrible but I hope to at least get one job offer. I am now playing the dreadful “waiting game”. Fingers crossed I get something.
Some advice for all my readers (if anyone even reads this), don’t be afraid to take chances. Put yourself out there because one day you will be rewarded. And if you fail, don’t let those failures discourage you. Keep them as reminders to do better.
So in a hour I will finally be a legal adult. That age that us as teens have waited for, well, 18 years. When we are younger all we think about is stuff like I can’t wait to be older and do whatever I want.
I was reading some of my older posts and am surprised how silly I sounded at times. Most of what I talked about was getting out of my house and going to college. Or silly friendship dramas. And so many little insecurities. But now I’m in a good place and I know what I’m going to do the rest of this year.
The whole moving out and going away to college is now out of the table. I can’t afford it. It’s plain and simple. I’m sticking to my plan of going to community college and staying at home. And you know what I’m okay with that. I actually appreciate the fact that I have somewhere to stay and that my parents want to help me out. Most of my friends don’t have that support from their parents.
Another good thing about going to community college is that I get to go with my friends. Which I’m happy about. I know who my super friends are (Beegy and sometimes Victra, even though she did say I was a best friend stealer, but its all forgiven) and we’ll just who are really good friends (Clear Water and Snow). And well then there is Blue Mermaid who is now pregnant. Love her but things have already changed since we all found out she was prego. I’m excited to know I have them to rely on for a bit longer.
And I am finally coming in to my own. I have been starting to accept myself the way I am. I know I still have work to do to get where I want to be but I know I doing it for myself. I’m not absolutely prepared for the cruel world (I don’t think anyone ever is), but I feel like I am ready to face it.
Today was the beginning of my spring break. With it being my last break as a senior, I wanted to try something new. I have been dying to do one of these photo challenges, but have never got around to it (or forgot I was doing it). It’s only for seven days, so I should be able to keep up.
I’m starting tomorrow which means this list is going to be two days short. So, I want you guys to give me suggestions for a Day 8 and Day 9. I then will post what topics I choose. So don’t write anything lame (only kidding). I also challenge you guys to this challenge. Just send the pic or leave the link to your blog so I can check out your picture.
I know I haven’t wrote anything in a while. I have totally neglected my blog. And it sucks because it actually helps a lot to write things down. Anyways I have been listening to new (some old, but new to me) bands and singers. I can no longer contain my excitement so I have to make a post of their awesomeness. I am also going to try and elaborate on their awesomeness as oppose to just listing them like I always do.
My current song obsessions are:
• Let’s Dance – David Bowie: I don’t know if I have ever mentioned my passion for the 80′s before, but here it is. I loooove the 80′s. I was born in the wrong decade. Do you know how many bands I could have seen. Or could you imagine the biggest vinyl record collection over. The 80′s rock and so does David Bowie. If you want to listen to a song that will just make you want to dance, this is that song. I mean the name says it all.
• Cough Syrup – Young the Giant: I only just started listening to this band. I heard this song on the radio for like 10 seconds (because it was part of a mix) and it was stuck in my head for the longest. I went to the radio station’s website and looked through their set list until I found it. At first, I wasn’t sure what the song lyrics meant, so like anyone else would do I googled it. And I found a interview with the band saying that it meant of trying to get out of that daily routine in life. And well I found it easy to relate to.
• Now – Paramore: This is like my most favorite band in the entire world. I don’t care if others don’t like them or if they are considered too mainstream. Idon’tgiveafuck. I Love Paramore. I have been listening to them since I was like 12. I grew up listening to them. Literally, they have been the only constant in my life. I went through a many identity crisis in my pre-teen years but I never stopped liking them. After all of the break-up drama with the band it had taken the band a while to come out with new music. But here it is. Their first single from their new album. Paramore is still here and rockin’ out.
• Love Rollercoaster – Ohio Players: This band is also from the 80′s. I heard it in a movie and liked it. It just makes me want to dance and get jiggy.
• Somewhere Only We Know – Keane: I heard this song in a movie once and always said how much I liked it, but I always forgot about it. Then, I heard it again in another movie and was all like, Haven’t I heard this song before? So I looked for it in the soundtrack and the rest is history.
So there you have my main favorites of the moment. I just can’t get enough of this songs. I just turn my iPod on as loud as it can go (which never seems enough) when one of these songs comes on. And yes, I do replay.
The title says it all. Those two things don’t particularly go with each other, but when they do they are never good. Now, before you think I’m someone’s mistress, let me stop you there. No I am not one nor do I have one. Unfortunately, this whole problem is with my parents.
Yup, no one likes to find out that their parents marriage is a total failure and a lie. My ‘dad’ was caught having a slutty whore (we are pretty sure he was with a prostitute). Not only did he cheat, but he stooped so low as to pay for sex with a dirty whore. But wait, it gets better (she said sarcastically). He has been sending her money to Mexico. And he has been sending stuff like old DVDs, Gameboys, and other miscellaneous, so she could sell over there.
I have had problems with my dad for a very long time. And I felt that just this last year things were starting to get better. Now I can’t even stand to be in the same room as him. And I know my mom won’t leave him (not that she doesn’t want to). I asked her why not and she said very plainly because of us. She knows that we won’t make it without him. Especially, with me going to college in the fall. My mom is sacrificing her happiness for ours. Gotta love her.
I’m really upset and pissed at my dad. But most of all disappointed. Makes me wonder if all relationships are set up for failures at the start.
Now that the new year has started I have done a bunch of reflecting. Mainly, because, as you all know, I will soon graduate high school. Many say that your new life starts in college. That is true but how you choose to start that new life starts while you are finishing up with high school. When we choose which school to go to. Choose to go to summer classes or not. Where to look for a job. And asking yourself the hard questions too. Which friends are worth keeping? I’m I making the right decision on career? Is the path that I am on worth it? Is it the right one?
Before the holidays I was going through all the motions of applying to schools and what not. Now I have to look for scholarships that require to show your volunteer work which I have none), awards (probably one… somewhere), and other things that I probably don’t have. My family doesn’t have much money, but according to the government they make enough for me to only get around 5 thousand per year to help me pay 20 thousand dollars worth of college. To think I only applied to the pretty cheap colleges. I didn’t write this post to complain on how I can’t afford college (I’m getting sidetracked here).
I have to do something about it. No more saying “I want a job”, I will get a job. No more “I might apply for that scholarship”, I will try. And to also keep motivated I think I need a new image. I will lose so weight. Take more care of my skin. Eat healthier. No more drinking or smoking. I have to make these changes for myself, because I have to start taking charge of how I want to start my new life. I can’t look at the past anymore I have to look ahead at what is to come. I have to change with this new life. If I don’t I will get stuck in the past. Every year in school you hear about those kids that graduated and now have a kid or are working in the local food store. Those are the ones that couldn’t let go of the past and grow with the future. I don’t want that for myself. I have dreams. I know they won’t be easy to achieve and I might never achieve them. But I have to try and I have to know I tried everything I could even if one day I end up worst then where I started.
Just the other day I hung out with Psychosocial. To be completely honest I take back about everything I said on my last post about me totally liking him. Just so you guys know I going to be completely honest and a total bitch for what I am going to say. I may sound shallow and mean but this is my journal.
When I finally met him, I realized that he is ugly. Look I always thought that I wasn’t shallow but I am. Unlike a bunch of people out there I admit my flaws. And one of them happens to be that I’m shallow. Sue me! I’m human. I know it’s fucked up for me to say but it’s what I think. I honestly didn’t expect him to be that unattractive. But like I have always said first impression is everything. I know it’s not good advice, but looks are the first thing others notice.
Which brings me to the second turn off (if you will). It was awakard. He hardly talked and made me feel like I had to keep up the conversation. There was so many silences between us it was uncomfortable. And I’m sure you guys know that no matter if it’s a new person you meet there are those who are just easy to talk to. He wasn’t one of them. Not just that, but I felt so unlike myself with him. As if I had to somewhat tone down my personality to match his shy persona. And no one should make you feel that way.
At this point I haven’t text Psychosocial. Honestly, I am trying to avoid him. I just have to get my brain to decided where is it that we stand. At this moment a friendship is not likely.